She knew that she was in trouble. She wondered how long it would take for everyone else to know too. Especially her girlfriend. Nige knew that Amancia would find out soon enough. Like tonight when they got home. There was no way for Nige to hide her legs without being suspicious. The cuts all over her thighs would take a full two weeks to fade and Amancia knew Nige’s history with cutting. Nige felt like her world was falling apart. All she could think was what if Amancia left her? or got mad? or shipped her off to an insane asylum? She knew that last one was a bit far fetched but Nige was panicking.
“Hey hun,” Amancia said walking up to her. Nige attempted to smile, but was pretty sure it failed. The look on Amancia’s face said she knew something was wrong, but Amancia just grabbed her hand and the two girls walked home together. As soon as they stepped inside it began.
“What happened?” Amancia asked.
“Nothing,” Nige tried to escape to the bedroom, but Amancia followed her.
“I know something happened. It’s all over your face. Please tell me. Did I do something?”
“NO! It’s not you. I promise.”
“Just a bad day, that’s all.”
Nige didn’t answer this last question. How could she explain to her love that she had finally snapped and couldn’t deal with the comments and rude jibes she was getting at work. Even though there were laws passed against discrimination against LGBT people, it didn’t stop people from opening their mouths, it just forced them to be more cunning about it.
“How bad?” Amancia repeated.
Nige turned and looked at her girlfriend and burst into tears. As she sat onto the bed, Amancia came over and held her.
“Shhh, it’ll be ok, hun,” Amancia said while stroking Nige’s hair.
“No it won’t,” Nige said through her tears, “They will never stop and I can’t deal with it any more. I shouldn’t HAVE to deal with it.”
“People at work are making comments again?”
“Oh hun, I’m so sorry.”
Nige just looked down guiltily. Amancia suddenly pushed her face up.
“Did you?” she didn’t even bother finishing the question. Nige looked down at her lap again and nodded.
“Let me see.”
Nige hesitated, but the look in Amancia’s face said that there was no going back from this point. She slowly stood up and pulled off her jeans. The cuts weren’t deep, but there were about twenty or thirty of them.
“Oh hun. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
Amancia stood and pulled Nige into a hug.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Nige whispered through more tears.
“So we’ll get you some help. My mom knows a really good therapist, I’ll get her number and we’ll get you an appointment ok?”
Nige nodded. This had to stop. She couldn’t fight the depression on her own and if she wasn’t careful one day she was gonna really hurt herself, or kill herself. She knew that Amancia didn’t like it either and they both wanted her to get better. They both knew that this wasn’t the end, but it was a new beginning.